


I Hate Myself For Realizing This Now

by LeCirqueDesReves



Category: NU'EST, Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Attempt at pining, Fluff, Future Fic, M/M, a tiny bit of drunk!Jonghyun also, but it fails, one day i'll write a raunchy smut, till then yall are stuck with the fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-18
Updated: 2017-11-18
Packaged: 2019-02-03 21:00:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12756114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeCirqueDesReves/pseuds/LeCirqueDesReves
Summary: Jonghyun realizes after Minhyun's gone away to Wanna One that he's in love with him. Confessing the night (morning) he returns.





	I Hate Myself For Realizing This Now

**Author's Note:**

> Semi compliant with current events, I plan to do a second chapter of smut but till I get around to it (as its 3am and im tired but wanted to post this) i'm marking it complete. 
> 
> Title is one of Minhyun's parts in Wanna Ones comeback. Apologies for any typos, i didn't edit again.

Jonghyun tossed and turned for the fourth night in a row, though it was probably the 15th week he couldn't sleep properly. He was so used to Minhyun sneaking into his bed he didnt know what to do now. Having so much room but he didnt have Minhyuns internal heater keeping him extra warm. Especially with it getting cold now. He snuggled into Minhyuns left behind sweater and sighed. He missed him; probably more than he should but he couldn't help it. He was such a big part of his lift, especially at home. Keeping him company as he played his games while he sat nearby reading. Going to the movies together, he had heard Minhyun went to see something with three of the wanna one members and grumbled to himself. They probably saw Justice League and didnt even consider to ask him, it was their thing. Seeing the superhero movies together when they came out. Jonghyun huffed and pouted a bit. Hed been replaced as movie buddy. He started to think, maybe he didnt just miss his best friend but missed- Jonghyun frowned deeply as the word crossed his mind. Swinging his feet over and walking out to Minkis room, knocking and waiting for a soft Come In. He does and wanders in shutting the door.

"Whats up Jonghyun?" Jonghyun smiles a bit and fidgets.

"Y-Youre the more...open minded member... I had a question." Minki raised an eyebrow and pats the bed beside him which Jonghyun glady takes thinking he'd collapse from nervousness.

"What, I think I like someone, b-but theyre..."

"Theyre?" Minki thinks he knows where this is going but pushes gently so his awkward leader can finally admit it aloud that he likes a boy, which is fine, and that that boy is Minhyun. Jonghyun bites his lip and rubs his neck.

"T-Theyre a boy. I don't know if I should even try anything, I'm scared theyll reject me and leave." Minki frowns as the boy starts tearing up, pulling him into a tight hug and smiles.

"Is it who I think?" Jonghyun blushes and shrugs rubbing his eyes.

"I-I dunno..."

"Bugi..." he groans and nods.

"Probably. I didnt realize till he left." Minki smiles softly and pats his shoulder. Minki knew about Minhyuns feelings. The poor boy had come to him two years ago when Jonghyun had blond hair. Minhyun had had a crush on him but that blond hair sent his feelings into overdrive. He knew theyd end up together after Minhyun returned but now it just seemed too complicated. Jonghyun lets Minki pat his back and looks at the ground sighing.

"What should I do?"

"Well, We both know Minhyun would Never abandon you because of a crush, so stop worrying about that. Secondly, he's pretty open minded himself, he may accept your feelings and want to try the whole dating thing." He pauses and frowns a bit.

"But...now may not be the best time to confess. Were both so busy, a confession would probably stress him out more, wondering how hes supposed to be the best boyfriend And keep the ridiculous schedule they have." Jonghyun nodded in understanding. Minhyun would definitely wear himself thin trying to be the best boyfriend he possibly could be, Jonghyun blushing profusely at the thought of Minhyun being his boyfriend. Minki laughing at him cause of his expressions.

"Shut up." Minki laughs harder and squeezes Jonghyun in a side hug patting his arm.

"Go sleep now. Just hug a pillow and pretend, you can be the big spoon." Jonghyun scoffs and nods thanking him as he heads back to his room. He'd simply settle for pining over Minhyun for now.

\--- Asia Artist Awards ---

Jonghyun caught Minhyuns gaze across the room and felt his cheeks burn, glad for the dim lighting as they locked eyes for awhile, Minhyun giving a soft smile to him before looking back at the stage. It was strange to see someone you had lived with for six years and known nearly eight being so close but so far away at the same time. He sighed and waited till a break to run off to use the restroom, asking where it was before he got lost he thanked the PD and walked in the direction she gave him. After he washed his hands and made sure they were completely dry not wanting any marks on his pants. Jumping back a bit as the door opened, looking up to see Minhyuns surprised face.

"Oh. Jjuya, handsome as always." He grinned and looked him over as the door clicked shut, Jonghyun blushing at that, waiting at the wall across from the sinks for Minhyun to finish up before they chatted, Minhyun smiling widely at him in the mirror.

"Are you getting enough sleep?" Minhyun shrugs and laughs a bit.

"Honestly, I dont even know what day it is let alone if I've even been sleeping." Jonghyun frowned at that, moving to cup the taller boys face as he forced his head to turn a few times, tsking.

"You have dark circles again. You should sleep when youre in the car." Minhyun sighs, reaching up to hold Jonghyuns hands against his face, not realizing the effect it had on the shorter boys poor heart. Minhyun giving a sad smile as he lets go and takes a deep breath.

"I can try but its when I'm home that I cant sleep." Jonghyun blinks at that, talking before he thinks.

"You too? I hardly slept last night." Minhyun laughs and shakes his head a bit, complaining about Jonghyun scolding him for not sleeping when hes doing the same. Jonghyun shrugging, when did he ever sleep properly he had asked. Not expecting the answer he got.

"When Id sneak into your bed and cuddle." Minhyun chuckles and goes to the door, fixing a strand of Jonghyuns hair and glancing at the choker.

"Uh, you should head back first." Jonghyun nods, a red tint on his cheeks again. An unspoken _I_   _missed you_ lingering between them as Jonghyun hurries out. Getting to the table he sits and Minki looks at him weird.

"What took yo- nevermind." Jonghyun glanced behind him where Minhyun was wandering in and chuckled a bit.

"Didn't plan it, I just needed to go and he came in as I was leaving so I stayed to chat." Minki nods and smiles at Minhyun as he walks by, the other smiling and giving a tiny bow to him. Jonghyun leaned closer and whispered more about how Minhyun hasn't been sleeping lately.

"Im worried about him." Minki nods and frowns a bit as well, reaching to pat Jonghyuns shoulder as he glances over at Minhyun who was currently yawning and attempting to hide it. He didnt understand how that company could wear their artists so thin. When they had read the news about a member fainting and another being admitted to the hospital they worried and contacted Minhyun who had responded with 'Im alright.' Jonghyun could tell he wasnt, actually the whole group could. They hadnt ever seen Minhyun with such small cheeks. They hated it. Jonghyun hated it the most. They were called up for winning an award, Jonghyun had given his speech and they whisked them backstage, they were to give a performance in a bit. Jonghyun watched on tv as Wanna One also won a rookie award and smiled a bit. Nuest cheered in the dressing room for their member, proud of the awards he was winning. They went up to perform as Wanna One was whisked by them, they all bowed and Nuest shouted hwaiting to them. The other boys smiling and cheering it back. Wanna one performed after them. Both teams gladly watching from the tvs. Once everything was over they were all whisked off before Jonghyun could catch Minhyun. Giving a soft sigh as he dragged his phone out, smiling at the wallpaper of the five of them. Soon was all Jonghyun could think of. It was Christmas and they all got two weeks of break to include New Years, even Minhyun. They all agreed to return to Nuest dorm for New Years to spend it together. When that time came, Jonghyun was unsurprised to feel Minhyun climbing into his bed around midnight, Jonghyun chuckled and allowed himself to be pulled into a hug; Minhyun burying his nose against Jonghyuns neck.

"Merry late Christmas, Jonghyun." Jonghyun carefully turns over and buries his own face against Minhyuns chest, Minhyuns chin resting on top of his head then.

"You too, Minhyun. I missed you" he doesnt know why he blurted it out, he just did, not thinking as he did again. Minhyun pulled him tighter though and nothing mattered then. They both quickly fell asleep like that, waking up to Minhyun on his back, but a clingy Jonghyun attached to his side. Head on his chest, a leg over his thighs, and even his hand resting on Minhyuns chest. Minhyun chuckles, stroking at Jonghyuns hair smiling lovingly at him as he sleeps. Softly whispering as he just talks.

"I wish this could work out, this could be our morning life for the rest of our lives but…I dont know how you feel about any of this." He pauses and sighs, Jonghyun still sleeping now that he actually can.

"I can guess, youre just too sweet to not accept it. Im sorry for being away, I wish we could have earned our first win together." He chuckles, and it jolts Jonghyun a bit to wake him half way. The boy talking not realizing it as he continues.

“I just want you to myself, but I know I’d be happy just to be by your side.” Jonghyun blinks a few times before tilting his head back confused and sleepy.

“What are you talking about Minnie?” Minhyun jumping a bit and shakes his head.

“N-Nothing!” Jonghyun grumbles and buries his face against his chest again, giving a deep sigh as he settles and falls back asleep. Minhyun sighing, one day he’d confess and hope Jonghyun returned the feelings, but he knew he didn’t feel the same way. Later they exchanged some gifts between each other, Minki grinning at Jonghyun saying he’d give him his gift later and winked. The four of them staring at him confused, Jonghyun probably the most confused but just nods awkwardly. Minhyun handing Jonghyun two boxes, curiosity overtaking him, Jonghyun quickly rips into the wrapping and blinks. The last two box sets of the One Piece mangas he didn’t have yet. He finds himself on top of a laughing Minhyun as he had jump hugged him, thanking him repeatedly as he sits up and hugs the boxsets.

“You can borrow some space on my bookshelves to move other mangas if you want those altogether.” Jonghyun nods quickly and smiles, handing the rest their gifts and Jonghyun nudges Minhyuns over to him. He was nervous he wouldn’t like it. It was a bit more expensive than he ever would have spent on the others, but he just knew Minhyun would like them.  Minhyun blinking in surprise at the stud earrings, smiling at Jonghyun thanking him for them. New Years is uneventful aside from the celebrations and party poppers they bought, shouting happy new years and waving around the soju bottles they had bought for this special occasion. Dongho hiccupping as he shouts goodnight five minutes into the new year. Jonghyun giggling as he leans against Minhyun who was the only responsible one to drink water, hes laughing as well though; Aron and Minki shaking their heads at the two lightweights.

“Get him to bed, well bring by some meds for the morning.” Minhyun nods as Minki tells him what to do and leads the drunk leader to his bed. Jonghyun hiccupping as he smacks Minhyuns face between his hands. Mumbling how handsome he is and how unfair the universe is right now. Minhyun laughs and pries his hands off his cheeks.

“You’ll live Jjuya, I’ll be home this year. Don’t worry.” Jonghyun whines and struggles with Minhyun who tries to get him into pajama pants, kicking his legs a bunch and pushing him away. Minhyun sighs and tosses the pants over the back of his gaming chair.

“Fine, don’t wear pants.” Jonghyun grins and lays on the bed, sprawled out in just his tshirt, red boxer briefs and socks. Minhyun laughs and shakes his head, going to head to his room after he tucks him in. Jonghyun pouting a bit.

“You’re not staying?” Minhyun looks at him and blinks.

“I… do you want me to stay?” Jonghyun nods, his face seemingly permanently stuck in a pout tonight. Minhyun nods and changes into his own pajama pants before climbing into bed with Jonghyun who immediately curls around him. Leg over his thigh and head on his chest like the first night all over again. He sighs and strokes his hair gently, leaning his head up to kiss the top of Jonghyun’s head when he hears the boy softly snoring. When morning comes, Minhyun slips out of bed, giving him a kiss on the forehead before he grabs his jeans and head to pack up again. Dongho and Jonghyun both over sleeping, as Minhyun bounces his leg impatiently in the living room, looking at Aron and Minki.

“I have to head back soon, or they’ll start calling and complaining. Should we wake them?” Aron shakes his head.

“Dongho sure, Jonghyun though, he hasn’t been sleeping lately. It’s best to let him sleep.” Minhyun nods and goes in to say bye to Dongho, kicking his butt when shaking and poking doesn’t work on waking him. Dongho grumbling a sleepily ‘see ya soon, stay healthy.’ Minhyun chuckles and peeks in on Jonghyun whos now on his stomach, face buried into the pillow he had been using, he sighs and whispers ‘See you soon, I’ll miss you.’ And walks back to the others, smiling and hugging them goodbye before heading out. It’s not till almost 3 in the afternoon when Jonghyun wakes up with a slight hangover, grumbling as he takes the pills beside his bed and downs them, carrying the glass out he looks around, eyes landing on Minki and Aron playing video games.

“Where’s Minhyun?” Aron giving him a weird look.

“Where are your pants?” Jonghyun makes a face and looks at Minki who shoves Aron a bit.

“He left like 5 hours ago. We told him not to wake you since you’ve hardly slept. He did go in and say bye though, you just slept.” Jonghyun makes a face and rubs his forehead heading back to bed and noticing a note on his chair attached to his pajamas.

_“I left my sweater for you in my room, the pink one. I know it’s big on me, so I’m sure you’ll be engulfed by it. Enjoy it till I can come back and leave something new. Love Minhyun._

Jonghyun blushes and heads into Minhyuns room, Minki giving him a weird look as he walks by them again holding the pink sweater, the other boy tugging his shirt off and pulling the sweater on, giggling lightly at how it basically becomes a dress on him. Shuffling back into his bed he hugs the pillow Minhyun used and falls back asleep, glad to be rid of his headache when he wakes back up for dinner. Minki ends up giving him his present before he goes to shower, his face turning bright red when he opens up a box and sees a sex toy.

“M-Minki what-“

“To get you through the next few months without Minhyun.” He laughed hysterically and ran off before Jonghyun could smack him.

“It’s silent too! I made sure by turning it on earlier, none of you heard it.” Jonghyun complaining for a bit that he opened his gift, but Minki reassured him it was to make sure it was what he had ordered and wasn’t a fake silent toy. Jonghyun placed it into his closet, never actually using it or even looking at it after that night. He was too embarrassed to watch porn let alone think of his best friend. His insomnia returned as well after that day.

\--- 11 months later ---

Jonghyun watched on the tv as Wanna one had their final goodbye stage, they had just finished a small tour and Jonghyun couldn’t wait for Minhyun to return, it was only a matter of time. It was nearly five in the morning when they all woke to the main door opening, Minhyun dragging his luggage in with the help of their manager, the four of them crowding around him and hugging him tightly after their manager gladly took a photo of the five of them. Sending it to their group chat easily. Minki looked at what was his room for the last year and a half and pouted, Minhyun smiling at Minki.

“You can keep it. I’ll move my leftover stuff into Jonghyun’s room. You don’t mind right?” He looks at his leader and smiles. Jonghyun blinking as he shakes his head. Of course he didn’t mind, the vocalist slept in his room most of the time anyway. Even when he shared with Minki, the three of them would be in one room. Minki and him had shared for years, Jonghyun didn’t mind switching it up a bit. Learning quickly that growing up with two elder sisters made him used to always having someone in the room with him. Jonghyun gladly helped Minhyun drag his bags into his room and pushed them to one side as they both yawned.

“Sleep first, then I’ll unpack. Well have to rearrange things.” Their manager popped his head in offering his assistance later. They shake their heads and smile.

“I only really have clothes, we’ll manage but thank you.” He nods and heads out back home. The five of them smiling as they upload the photo on to sns; ‘Our Minhyunnie~!’ They say their goodnights and Jonghyun waits before gently shutting the door, looking at the floor as Minhyun gets changed.

“Jjuya? You okay?” Jonghyun fidgets and looks at him nervously.

“I…uh, wanted to tell you something for a year now, b-but Minki convinced me to wait, but now I think I’m too scared to now.” Minhyun smiles and goes over to him, tipping his head up by his chin, dropping his hand at the intimacy and smiling.

“Maybe I can pretend to sleep, and you can say it.” Jonghyun laughs and shakes his head at that suggestion, he could do it, he knew he could he just needed a little bit of time. Minhyun deciding to take the time to start looking around for places to put his clothes, opening the closet and finding it mostly empty. He blinks and laughs as he moves Jonghyun’s shirts to one side and began putting in his clothes, Jonghyun watching as he does, eyes widening when the taller kneels to organize the shoes and pulls out a box.

“What’s this?” Jonghyun quickly rushing over to grab it, hiding it behind his back as he smiles.

“N-Nothing really. I forgot it was there…” Minhyun raises an eyebrow and stands up to move towards the shorter jumpy boy. Reaching out to grab for the box, surprised when Jonghyun holds it out behind him; Staring down almost chest to chest with Jonghyun as he grins, leaning over to grab for the box, laughing as Jonghyun backs up into the wall. Minhyun easily grabbing the box then, putting his hand on Jonghyun’s forehead as he sets the box on the bed to open it, eyes widening at the sex toy before looking at Jonghyun in question. The boys’ shoulders hunched forward as he looked at the ground. Hair covering his reddened cheeks but not the tips of his ears nearly as red as a tomato.

“M-Minki gave it to me for Christmas as a joke. I n-never used it…” Minhyun laughs and closes the lid after taking it out, turning it on for fun surprised at how quiet it is before turning it off.

“I don’t care if you’ve used it or not Jjuya, but do you want to?” Jonghyun squeaking in shock at the question.

“W-What?!” Minhyun laughed and shook his head putting it on the bed.

“N-Nevermind. Uh, Joking.” Jonghyun frowns and stares at Minhyun, noticing the tips of his ears being red before smiling a bit.

“I think I love you. I realized last year before the AAAs. I couldn’t sleep, and I realized it was because I had gotten used to you cuddling with me, so I tried to get Minki to cuddle with me too thinking that it was just because it was a warm body; It didn’t work. I just tossed and turned more and irritated him.” Jonghyun laughs and steps closer to Minhyun resting his forehead between his shoulder blades smiling softly.

“I realized it had to be you when I took one of your shirts you left behind and slept in it. I fell asleep so quickly, then I realized I missed your soft snoring and when you wear those funny eye masks even though when I wake up facing you they scare the hell out of me.” Minhyun laughs and turns around to hug him to his chest tightly. Jonghyun turning his head so his cheek rests against his chest, continuing to spill his guts out.

“I was upset when you left without waking me up on new years day, but the guys were right to not let you. I slept till three that day. I slept so well, and then was just disappointed you were gone. We barely saw each other after that too. I cheered you on for each album, and I maybe had…had a countdown…to when you’d return.” He blushed as he glanced up at Minhyun who was watching him as he talked, the taller boy smiling as he held Jonghyun’s chin; leaning down to kiss the shorter whose face was definitely stuck red forever. Minhyun scooped Jonghyun up, moving backwards to sit on the bed with his leader in his lap as they kissed. Breaking apart and smiling as the rested their foreheads together. A small laugh leaving them both.

“Welcome back Minhyunnie.” A small peck to his lips again.

“I’m definitely glad to be back.” Minhyun grinned and decided it wouldn’t hurt to stay up a bit longer to bask in the wonder that it is kissing his new boyfriend.

**Author's Note:**

> Come chat with me if you'd like to at my [twitter](http://twitter.com/knkfeya) my DMs are open so you dont even have to follow lol  
> *Comments are appreciated, they do give me more motivation than kudos.  
> [buy me a coffee?](https://ko-fi.com/knkfeya)


End file.
